15 terrible stories about Christmas gifts
Christmas is giving, not receiving.
This is an important mantra to keep in mind leading up to the December 25th festivities. A truly unique and thoughtful gift can make Christmas Day a little more memorable. Yet conversely, a terrible present can also live in memory for a long time for quite different reasons.
Fortunately, time is a great healer and with the big day just around the corner, the folks at Reddit and Mumsnet chat sites have come together to share stories about some truly gruesome giveaways.
From car crash report kits to rolls of duct tape, here are 15 stories about some of the most hilarious Christmas gifts ever. Because if they weren’t laughing, they would probably cry.
1. “Fucking mortified”
BrightOrLancaster wrote on Mumsnet: “I was 13, got a lace workout bra from an aunt I wasn’t close to.” While the gift was bad enough, she said what made it worse was having to open it in front of the family. “I was fucking mortified.”
2. “I think you will really like it”
On Reddit, Beehaw7 recalled splashing a Garmin smartwatch for her boyfriend. His present for her? A Mma magazine and a used copy of Forrest Gump on DVD. The real boost came when he told her “I, uh, I got bored so I watched the movie yesterday.” Not only that, he also admitted that he had “read” the magazine. “I think you’re going to really like this,” he told her. She ended things soon after.
3. “Maybe that was a clue!”
Cakeforthewin regaled Mumsnet with a contender for the world’s most insulting giveaway. “A box of ‘thin pasta’,” they wrote. “I thought pasta was generally an odd choice, but ‘thin pasta? It wasn’t that I was on a diet either. Maybe that was a clue! “
4. “In the interest of convenience”
Ragedandobtused offered a story about a giveaway that was at least practical. “When I was 10, my grandparents gave me an unwrapped suitcase for Christmas,” they told Reddit. “For the sake of convenience, they used this suitcase for wrapped gifts for my sisters.”
5. “I curl up inside a bit more”
Soyouthought recalled the year she received “a lovely bespoke coffee table” from her husband that she had “been referring to for months”. Cut to Christmas Day at his in-laws. “It was an ironing board,” she told Mumsnet. “They thought it was hilarious. He [her husband] I don’t remember, but I still curl up inside when I remember. “
6. “He started to cry. He was 9 years old.”
Mistahmarbles told a story on Reddit that is both heartbreaking and quite disgusting. “My great-grandmother gave my cousin a jock strap from Goodwill. His sanity was poor at the time,” they wrote. “He started to cry. He was 9 years old.”
7. “AF *** ing FOSSIL”
Mara263 remembered the year her boyfriend told her he got her “something really special” for Christmas. After seven years together, she was desperate for him to propose. She recalled the scene on Mumsnet: “I opened a little bag of him and there was a tiny beautiful little box, and there was … a fucking FOSSIL.”
8. “I wish I could have joked.”
Grumpy_Snuggles still remembers the terrible gift her “evil father” gave her when she was only 9 years old. “A motel shampoo and an adult men’s shirt that he got for free,” she wrote on Reddit. “I wish I could have joked.”
9. “I’m getting flashbacks”
WhoaBettyWhite told Mumsnet she was still traumatized by the pair of black tights her great-aunt gave her many years ago. It’s not hard to see why. “When I opened the package (with the whole room looking) there was a disgusting smell,” she recalls. It turned out that the tights were purchased, second-hand, at a local Goodwill store. “Now every time I see a wrapped item of the same shape and size my stomach wobbles and I have flashbacks.”
10. “So hard to buy”
At first glance, Vodkaenthusiast89’s gift seemed pretty cool. “A set of miniature butter knives with ceramic fruits and vegetables as handles,” they explained on Reddit. The gift came from an aunt who told her it was “so hard to buy”.
Fairly good, but there was one important detail. He was 7 years old.
11. “I didn’t know what else to say.”
Dancingonthemoonlight recalled on Mumsnet the year they received “a whistle”. “Not a whistle or anything musical from a distance,” they said. “A real little whistle that a child would blow just to make a sound … I opened it and said thank you, just what I needed. I didn’t know what else to say.”
12. “I hate Lamborghinis now”
Stickmag remembered the year he had a Lamborghini. Well, sort of. “It was a Lamborghini calendar,” they wrote. “My brother has a guitar and an amp. My two sisters each have a bicycle. I hate Lamborghinis now.”
13. “We already had 3 mixers”
While this is pure speculation, the gift Tealgrayone received was almost grounds for divorce in itself. “I gave my ex-husband a Tag Heuer watch. He gave me a $ 19.99 Walmart blender,” she wrote on Reddit. “We already had 3 mixers.”
14. “Life is not fair”
Dariusz2k shared a story about the year his father gave him a terrible lesson in life. “When the Tamagotchi craze was in full swing, my siblings and I asked for one,” he explained on Reddit. “My sisters both had one, and I got a jacket because mine was ripped and small.”
When he asked his father why he hadn’t had one and if “Santa Claus thought I had done something wrong that year”, his father replied that he was “too much. Old for Santa and that he needed to learn that life is not fair “. “I was 8 years old. My sisters were 7 and 5 years old.”
15. “It wasn’t a joke
Think about talking on Mumsnet and a giveaway that was kind enough in a way. “I received a toilet seat from my mother,” they said. “Not a great gift, it wasn’t a joke gift, she just noticed the old one was a bit wobbly.”